Antiquing

Today I was rearranging a shelf and found several pages of a book I was writing about antiquing in England and France.  I had traveled to do this very thing every time I had time off from my teaching job.  But, did I have a ninth book in me...probably not.  This travel activity had been going on from 1979 to 2005, totaling around one hundred trips in all and I felt I had had it with this particular subject. A new friend encouraged me to rethink it.  I am not doing a book, more like essays, but thought I would share some excerpts of my scribbles on this blog.  ( I had done a blog on the subject of antiques and my trips for a long time years ago, but have not shared these particular pages.)

Also, I want to keep copies of these essays for my children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren so that they would know me.

ENGLAND


I have to love a man who has a propensity for parades.  My husband is a real fan.  If he hears of one or sees one forming, he's there.  Andy and I were riding passed Hyde Park on a double decker bus on our way back to the hotel from the Camden Passage flea market when he spotted the Beefeaters with their be -plummed horses and surmised they were preparing to march. The only other person on the upper deck of the bus was a tosspot who was asked what he thought was going on in the park."Well, it's the queens birthday parade isn't it?" Andy had eagerly awaited the reply because he felt a parade in the air and on that assumption he tried to pry me from the bus. All the way back through the heavy London traffic he cajoled me for forty minutes to no avail. As soon as we arrived at the hotel he said he was going back to see the Queen.  No truer words were ever spoken.  In fact, he saw several hundred queens.  Andy had missed the Queen's birthday parade but unknowingly briefly participated in a gay rights shindig. By the time he realized that the couples were of like-gender, he was in the throes of the event.  When he got back to the hotel I expected this long dissertation about the  Queen's birthday parade.  Finally, in a pique, he confessed that he'd missed the entire birthday gaiety, but had encountered the same spirit in a different form altogether.

Harrogate

For some years I had heard about Harrogate being second only to London in antique merchandise.  Finally, on a long England holiday, we decided to take a train there to see what all the fuss was about.  The Queen was to be there that day as well, and since she'd been missed on every scheduled occasion, we were sure we'd have a combined treat.

Temporarily forgetting that all English trains are not bullets, we climbed aboard a milk train which has the duty of stopping whenever someone wanders near the tracks.  It was going to take forever to get there, but I contented myself with mentally listing all of the antiques I would find to crow about.  Either my list was too short or the ride was too long because my mind and eye started wandering.

The young girl sitting knee to knee within a nearly empty car had dropped asleep as soon as she hit the seat.  She'd had a rough partying evening, she said, and that had been her opening and closing remarks.  But there was one more set of interesting prospects to inspect. A prototype English country couple. A movie director could not have wished for a more classic pair.  He, the lord of the manor, was in brogues, knickers, and the obligatory tweed jacket with elbow patches. Never mind it was one of the hottest days on record.  His doting wife could not have been more accommodating had she lain in front of him as a footrest.  I always wondered what men did to get women to behave like that...  Andy wonders the same thing.  I just couldn't get my tongue out of my cheek as I watched the tableau being played out before my eyes.

First, the weather was thoroughly discussed for, oh, I'd say five ever-lasting miles.  Each stop was gone over until I had to brace myself from plugging my ears and crossing my eyes.  They found us equally interesting I might add, so I did have to refrain from doing American things like chewing gum, speaking in tongues, and throwing money from the train.  My tension level mounted while "Mother", as he called her, clucked and plucked imaginary lint from her man.  She couldn't keep her fawning hands off the old boy and he wasn't minding it a bit.  After finally straightening his three strands of hair for the last time, she decided to feed him. After taking each little item, one at a time, slowly and carefully from a hidden hamper, obviously bottomless, she unwrapped dainty three-cornered, crustless sandwich, spread his napkin across his ample stomach and allowed him to chew the food himself. The sandwich was the size of a dime, but she wanted to be there for him in case he choked. He took exactly five bites per sandwich---I alone could have put four of them in my mouth at the same time. He chewed each bite ten times. I felt myself slipping into naughtydom, when Andy, whom I had forgotten entirely exclaimed aloud...really loud, "Look at those sheep."Everybody did. Prying my eyes away from the afternoon tea party I looked questioningly at the pastoral view afforded all of us. "Which sheep, Andy?" What about them? "Well, they are obviously not like our American sheep!" He looked at me like I had lost my mind (which was about to happen anyway.) The pressure gave way to insane laughter which I could not stop.  It was like laughing in church wth God frowning at me.  I laughed on and on, and on. The girl across from our knees woke up, the ticket taker reexamined our tickets, and the couple forgot their repast completely.  It didn't help as Andy continued to explain the sheep's differences.  Never mind that he had never spent five minutes on a farm in his life.

Luckily, the train stopped, I thought to throw me off, but no, we had arrived in Harrogate.  People hurried from our car as though we were chasing them with New York knives; I laughed on.

Once more anonymous we set about tracking every single antique shop or fair that could be reached on foot.  There were plenty of them, but none held our particular likes.  We only bought one little glass tumbler, and, we missed the Queen to boot.  What a day!  If laughing keeps one young, I'll live forever.

"Do you want a drink before we get on the train?" Andy asked.